The pains of turning yourself into a commodity for others to consume

Visibility is the only way to success, right?

Original image by AmateurHub via pexels. Modified by Author.

Cookie cutter. Confused. Pretzel.

What do those words have in common?

That was me on social media, listening to the gurus telling me how to grow my account and make six figures a month within X amount of time.

• I followed the cookie cutter templates that everyone was using to get attention, but it felt hacky and awkward. Maybe because I’m new to this approach?

• I was confused about what I should be doing because some of it just didn’t feel right to me… but why reinvent the wheel, right?

• I twisted myself into a pretzel trying to make it all work, but all that did was lead me to burnout.

Diminishing passion. Growing frustration.

Is this the price of turning myself into a commodity for others to consume?

Is this the only way to build my business?

…and this is what I needed to hear.

"Write the tale that scares you, that makes you feel uncertain, that isn’t comfortable. I dare you. In a world that entices us to browse the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to, in turn, feel the need to be constantly visible—for visibility, these days, seems to somehow equate to success—do not be afraid to disappear. From it, from us, for a while. And see what comes to you in the silence.”
⎯ an excerpt from Michaela Coel’s Emmy Acceptance Speech

This is what has been on my mind for the past few months, facing the sobering reality of what is required of me to succeed as an entrepreneur in a world where social media and endless churning of content seem like the nonnegotiable prerequisites.

For some personalities, they thrive in that and quickly rise in their influence.

However, for mine, it seems like a constant struggle.

The continual cycles of pain

I keep replaying this same pattern of being on and off social media. I would do long, continual stints of posting until I hit burnout, drained by all the inauthentic, soul draining tactics I “should” be doing to get attention.

Then I recoil in disgust and dread, getting fed up with all the templated sameness that keeps showing up as people chase the latest trends, copying each other to hopefully win more fleeting attention.

I am an introvert who barely uses social media outside of work purposes.

I prefer to be more private and can enjoyably churn behind the scenes.

I am someone who has had to work hard and overcome all sorts of mental and emotional hurdles to even start sharing my thoughts publicly and vulnerably.

I abhor the idea of having my life on display for others to spectate, like The Truman Show.

But as a dating coach, it seems like that’s what I need to do to prove to strangers I have the experience and knowledge to help them in their love lives⎯something so private, vulnerable, and emotionally driven.

I have to reveal my past, my hurts, my hurdles, and my victories to build that know, like, and trust factor.

It’s been hard trying to find that delicate line and nuanced approach that can still protect my privacy and those in my life and of my past, as I don’t want to use them as continual sacrificial tokens to obtain success.

However, being visible and vulnerable seems like the only way to be known and found.

Visibility = success, right?

In this world where high visibility equates to success, how do I continually show up publicly and defy parts of my nature?

One of the latest trends is creating a personal brand.

In the world of AI becoming increasingly commonplace, people want to know that you are “real”.

It’s about turning yourself—your face, your personality, and your experiences—into a brand that others can connect with and relate to. You turn yourself into a commodity for the world to consume.

I’ve even seen those who had to discard their long-held pseudonym and step directly into the public spotlight, revealing their real name and face, to take part in this current personal brand trend.

All because people crave connection with other people, not just info.

So the only way to be remembered is to keep showing up and constantly putting “you” out to be seen over and over and over again.

But in this world of information overload where endless content and answers can be found within seconds and where you’re at the whim of platform algorithms to be seen, how do you fight for that attention, stand out, and not just disappear into the noise?

What we’re told to do

You have to inject your voice, perspective, and personality into your content.

You have to be on the right platforms to find your audience, prospects, and clients.

You have to create content that is easily consumable AND memorable since our attention spans have been reduced to less than a goldfish’s.

You have to share just the right amount of value to show your worth and keep them curiously interested and wanting more.

You have to fight to stay consistent and relevant and battle the monotony of talking about the same things over and over again.

You have to ride and get ahead of the trends before you’re gobbled up by the homogeneous feed.

The trend... the trend... the trend.

Its nature is to come and go. It’s the strategies for the now and popularized by the trendsetters or popular influencers.

You’re told to follow the trends because this is what is working at this very moment and what people haven’t been immune to yet.

And this seems to be the sad reality…

You are on this endless chase after something

There will always be that one fresh thing, that next popular thing, and those tried-and-true things we need to do, should do, and have to do to capture slivers of attention.

Freebies, courses, webinars, newsletters, challenges, book writing, apps, speaking, and communities. Social media posts, blogs, videos, podcasts, live virtual sessions, voiceovers, AI assistants, etc, etc.

You have to have your hand in many of these, and each requires a lot of thought and time to create. Then it becomes partially or mostly obsolete after it’s released, especially if you don’t keep it “alive” in people’s awareness. So… continual promotion is necessary.

This is the reality of this work and of work overall. It's not something that can be escaped, right?

You’re constantly trying to prove your worth to others

You trade what you're good at⎯your skills, your experiences, and your perspectives⎯to help other people improve their lives.

No matter if you're an employee or an entrepreneur, you are trading your labor and the majority of your life for the betterment of humanity so we can go beyond our past and our limitations.

Your life is a subatomic blimp in the entire lifespan of the human race. Once you leave this world, the only thing that remains is your legacy. Some might get lucky and have our names and impact live on through the records. Others will be forgotten and disappear as if they never existed.

You can only fight for the now, the near future, and your dreams. You can only fight for your happiness and prosperity, so that you can say you lived and that you made a difference somehow.

You already know that it's important to know your why.

You know that the more hungry you are and the more resilient you are to rejection and failure, the higher your chances of success are.

But how do you tap into a why so deep that it creates and fuels an unstoppable hunger for success and an unwavering determination to chase after your dreams?

That's the exact thing I've been trying to figure out.

I stopped and started.

I've hustled and burned out.

I experimented and pivoted.

In the last 6 years, I've spent multiple 6 figures on personal growth courses, coaching, and masterminds to figure out the "how" of others’ success so I could claim my own.

And this is what I've discovered...

You have to learn how to play the game while still staying true to yourself. Otherwise, you’ll easily burn out.

It’s a game of the chicken or the egg. You’ve just got to start somewhere. Take one step at a time, so you can patiently compound actions into more momentum.

It’s a game of balance, knowing when to charge ahead and when to retreat.

It’s a game of playing the right strategies that work for you, even in the face of uncertainty and doubts.

No amount of planning will ever prepare you for what’s to come.

No amount of money spent or no amount of work completed will guarantee your success. (Hell, you even have to take the time to define what success looks like to you, too.)

It’s not about defying your nature. It’s about creating the business (and life) that works well for you.

Avoid getting caught up with comparisonitis and putting yourself down. You have your own blend of strengths and talents.

Avoid letting overthinking and imposter syndrome hold you back. None of that is productive or mentally useful.

Ultimately, no matter what others are doing, you have to keep doing you and show up as yourself.

It’s okay to take a step back (or a few). In fact, it’s sometimes required before you can make larger leaps ahead.

Align yourself and holdfast to your business vision, your values, and what your soul is telling you.

You are paving your own way.

You have to…

You need to…

And more importantly, you CAN do it.

There is never only one way to do things. So, regardless of what you decide to do, know that others have also achieved their version of success in a similar or dramatically different way.

The world will continue to evolve and change with technology, but what remains true is that this is a world where anything is possible.

You have within you the power to make that “anything” possible in your life.

You can choose to be beholden and handcuffed to the conditions or choose to find ways to overcome and surpass them.

So make the choice that feels right to you and believe in what’s possible. You got this.

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USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

What is something you’ve learned to help you stay strong in your own resolve? How can you apply those learnings and strategies to your challenges now?