The accolades never give you the full picture

It’s in the turmoil where you get the biggest lessons

Original image by Nataliya Vaitkevich via pexels. Modified by Author.

Someone’s got to have the answer…

Another program.
Another coach.
Another book.
Another resource I purchased and invested time in, hoping that’d give me the solution and tell me what I need to know and do to recreate their phenomenal success for myself.

No doubt I learned from it and got some valuable insights into who I am and who I want to be, what I do and don’t like, and what I am and not willing to do.

But this continual trial and error is damn exhausting and darn expensive.

I feel like I keep failing myself over and over again…

Because I am the root cause of all this.
There’s no one else to blame because I made these choices.

Other people are getting results.
So the next logical conclusion is that it must be what I’m doing (and especially what I’m not doing) that’s giving me these particular outcomes.

Plus, all of this takes time.
…the setup, the practice, the experimentation, the tweaks, the momentum, etc.

You never know what will work and what won’t unless you give it the proper effort and time.

But how much is “enough” time before you pivot or quit?

All that eventually led me into a deep, reflective low.

Questioning my path and my resolve.

Wondering when will I finally get “there”.

That seemingly elusive “there” that I’ve been dreaming of and chasing after.

I feel like I try so hard (so it’s not from a lack of time and effort).

But it’s because I get into these mental comparison cycles of…
“Why does it seem so hard for me but so much easier for them?”
“Why can’t I do it in the way they do?”
“Is this not meant for me then?”

Where I placed all the blame

I keep blaming it on my lack of discipline due to the ebb and flow of my focus and motivation.

I get into cycles of sticking to a routine and structure and then destroying it after a period of time.

I thought that if I made it a nonnegotiable, then I’d do it, right?

Well, it isn’t that simple, especially when you’re the boss and the worker, which require different mindsets and roles. It’s a constant game of priorities.

The gurus say don’t reinvent the wheel and just model what they do
…but so many of them say that, and they’re all doing it slightly or dramatically differently.

“Don’t listen to that advice, do this instead.”
“That doesn’t work anymore, this is the right solution.”
All those clickbait sales pitches…
All those contradictory advice…

Who do you listen to?!

Here’s the dark secret and reality of entrepreneurship: people mostly openly share and emphasize their accolades and diminish (or hide) their behind-the-scenes turmoil.

Their success is like an iceberg. You only see the tip, but the mass of their success is underwater, behind the scenes.

You can never understand the depth of what they had to go through, even if you experienced it yourself… because you’re not them!

Of course, those aren’t openly shared since…

1. It’s a widely used marketing tactic: hyperfocus on what your potential clients want and how you have the answers. This creates the falsehood of needing to have it all together and figured out. Their fear of losing their leverage and authority trumps transparency into the not-so-appealing aspects of what they go through.

2. It’s also a part of human nature: If you make it seem difficult upfront, then who’s willing to trade their time and freedom to work on it? People are “inherently lazy”, especially in this world that gravitates towards “instant gratification” by getting quick results with less time and without much effort.

How true is the easy and effortless facade of wild success by following their “bulletproof” system?

So, I had to consider “what are they not saying?” and weigh the risks of the unknown against the possible upsides.

Having too many cooks in the kitchen also creates more chaos.

I had to quiet all the external voices of should’s, must’s, and have to’s.

So I could clearly hear my own.

There are basic principles to follow, but…

What I discovered is that it comes down to your personality, your definition of success, and what you’re willing and unwilling to do.

I tried to copy and paste what others do, and it felt inauthentic.

This entire time, I’ve been trying to fit my square peg in their round hole.

I haven’t been honoring myself.

No wonder I get burned out…
No wonder it feels awkward and weird…

Sure, part of it was a learning curve doing something way outside of my comfort zone.

But some sort of blocker eventually surfaces because I’m “trying too hard” and I’m no longer myself.

My creativity stifled.

My motivation and attention span dither.

My drive comes to a grinding halt.

My routines fall apart.

That’s when the lightbulb moment appeared

What I previously blamed myself for are actually outcomes for not doing things that are in alignment with me.

It wasn’t because I wasn’t “good enough” or “faulty” in some way.

It’s because I pushed myself to the point where I can’t force that inauthenticity anymore…

Then I shut down and go into my “hermit mode“.
…and I’m in it until I recover enough from burnout and figure out what to do next.

…and that sucks because I was finally gaining some traction but had no energy and focus to continue on.

My business coach shared that it took him 3-4 years of doing the wrong things and 3-4 months of doing it right to enjoy the success he has now.

He had to go through his own trials by fire to finally get to the “right” thing.

His learnings from his past failures compounded and finally led him to his current trajectory of success.

But he also privately shared that he has his overly stressed moments, too, underneath his cool, collected demeanor.

His vulnerable reveal made me realize that what I felt was normal. My doubts and insecurities were natural, and it was okay.

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We’re all chasing after something,
but the key is to get clear about why you truly want that and what sacrifices you’re willing to make.

Avoid getting caught up with the highlighted accolades and the surface-level perceptions.

We’re all trying to figure it out,
no matter how old you are or how much experience you have or don’t have.

Avoid comparing yourself to others in an unrealistic, skewed way.

No one has the absolute answer,
so use others’ experiences and methods as data points to see what’s possible for you.

Avoid trapping yourself in what is inauthentic or miserable.

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You chose to be an entrepreneur.

That requires you to own your decisions and choices, own the path you’re carving out for yourself, and compassionately honor the pace at which things are unfolding for you.

You WILL get there.

USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

What’s one of the biggest lessons you had to learn in entrepreneurship? What can you do to ensure you don’t repeat those mistakes again?

P.S. If this helped ease the pressure to “figure it all out” or reminded you to trust yourself more, tap the ❤️ as a kind reminder to yourself. Share or restack this post to help others stop drowning in too much advice and find their own voice again.