The dark side of an entrepreneur going on vacation

I halted my own momentum for nearly 3 weeks... as an experiment

Original image by Kelly via pexels. Modified by Author.

This trip abroad was supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable, but I was plagued with the fears of dropping nearly everything and halting my own progress when things had been going quite well.

So I turned this into an experiment.

It was scary as hell, especially as a newer account wanting to grow.

I was haunted by a lot of thoughts going through my head…

• Guilt and shame for not doing enough and failing

• Worries and fears of losing all the momentum and progress I’ve built

• Burning the connections and goodwill I’ve created by disappearing

…but I desperately needed this break, this time away from everything.

All those feels and thoughts felt heavy and made it hard to relax on my supposed vacation and travels. I felt like I was dragging around this heavy, cumbersome suitcase filled with emotional and mental baggage everywhere I went.

Mind you, this isn’t one of those modern spinner suitcases that effortlessly glide across surfaces.

This was one of those old-school, oversized suitcases on two wheels that strained your arm and wrist as you awkwardly dragged it behind you and would jolt you backwards if there were any uneven surfaces.

It didn’t matter that I was on the other side of the world. My heavy baggage came with me.

It didn’t go away just because I was on vacation. It actually weighed heavier on my mind because I was outside my regular work routines.

I had to prepare for my vacation, which meant piling on more work ahead of time and anticipating the backlog of work once I returned. Sure, that sounds like any working professional readying for time away. But, for an entrepreneur, it can feel like crashing the progress and burning all the momentum you’ve built.

That’s why vacations are commonly rare, or the solution is to multitask work duties alongside vacationing activities.

When your entire business is on your own shoulders…

When your financial stability doesn’t come from a stable paycheck but from the direct work you’re involved in or reliant on the systems you’ve set up prior…

When you’re told that you must maintain consistency to stay in your audience’s attention and constantly feed the algorithm beast to be its good favor…

Taking time off can feel challenging, especially when there’s always more you can do. (It didn’t help that I decided to write a book right before my vacation either.)

This is why work life boundaries are a necessity, not a luxury.

This was my experiment

For 3 weeks, I carefully observed the following:

• What would happen when I stop posting on Notes (social media)?

• What would happen when I stop posting Posts (weekly newsletter)?

• What were the thoughts and feelings that would surface during this experiment?

• Based on what I discovered, which activities are important to do, and what did I miss and not miss doing?

Since this was happening anyways, why not fully commit to this experience and turn this into valuable feedback, right?

These were my results

I don’t want to be shackled by the shoulds and need-tos.

I wanted to reprogram my brain and emotions to feel differently.

So I purposely dropped everything to remind myself what it would feel like, observed what I wanted to change, and this is what I’ve noticed:

When I stopped posting Notes:

• I was still getting followers and subscribers coming in for about 1.5-2 weeks, and some trickled in the 3rd week. Whenever someone else mentioned me, I might get a little spike of interest.

• I felt FOMO and pressure for not responding or posting, but I also felt relief for not needing to be on social media. too.

When I stopped posting my weekly Posts:

• This effect was more internal as I was freaking out about not keeping up with them. But I was still thinking of topics and jotted down some notes. I’m not sure how this affected my subscriber count directly, as I believe Notes has a higher impact on new subscribers.

• BUT I did have a paid subscriber become a founder. I had new people recommending my Substack, and subscribers liking my previous Posts when those surfaced in their feed.

Fascinating observations of my own thoughts and beliefs:

1ST WEEK

• This was the week when I couldn’t fully untangle myself from work yet, so I was carving out super early mornings and evenings away from family to work. I couldn’t resist and hopped onto Notes once during the first week and commented on a few of them. Plus, I proudly completed the draft of my book and have been emailing my beta readers, too. I felt stressed but also grateful that I could take this time to travel and be with family.

• Since I couldn’t detach myself, I extended my initial 2-week experiment by another week for a total of 3 weeks.

2ND WEEK

• This was the first week I really stepped away from work, and there was a lot of guilt and shame for not working EVEN while on vacation. I was worried about killing all the momentum I’d built lately. I was stressing over the people I wasn’t responding to. I was concerned about using up all the goodwill I had built and that I was putting my reputation on the line. I was fearful of tanking my growth and engagement. I kept seeing how I wasn’t doing enough until the end of the second week, when these thoughts finally subsided.

• But I know I needed this time away for my own wellbeing, and I tried to capitalize on the last week I had with family on this trip. This reinforced the importance of owning my time and having a business that gives me the flexibility and freedom to travel, take time off, spend time with loved ones, and enjoy life outside of work.

• This strengthened my resolve to double down on my Work Life Vision and determine what I needed to tweak and where I wanted to refocus on.

3RD WEEK

• My body finally crashed from all the overdoing and the international travel. It was like all the adrenaline had been depleted, and I needed a staycation to shut out the world, rest and recover from all the exhaustion, and reflect upon all this stuff. Plus, I had some big looming work and life decisions I was going through, too.

• I also needed this time away to grieve and reaffirm the end of one part of my business to ready myself for the start of another. Getting all these great reviews and feedback from my beta readers highlighted the importance of this work. It become undeniable that this pivot to Soulfueled Entrepreneur was the right decision and my new path.

• I now feel more recharged, refocused, and determined. Nonetheless, going through these changes still felt scary, but it helped me recommit to what’s most important to me and my work.

Recommitting to these impactful aspects of my business:

WRITING POSTS REGULARLY
I do enjoy writing and sharing the insights I’ve discovered. I do believe that there’s a lot you can learn from my experiences without needing to go through these yourself. But I have to myself up for success in a way that feels more aligned with me.

• Schedule posts ahead of time when I don’t have the capacity to write.

• Focus on quality over quantity, which meant letting go of the need for perfect execution on strict timelines that others have defined as the standard. For me, it’s more about showing up and honoring the message when it comes through rather than forcing myself to write by a specific time every week.

  • So I’m changing my languaging from “weekly posts” to “4 posts a month”. I could feel my body relax by simply changing the wording, and that’s when I KNEW that was right for me.

ENGAGING ON NOTES ON MY OWN TERMS
Notes definitely bring in more readership and subscribers, BUT this has to be fun for me. When it becomes a demanding chore, that’s when I lose interest and burn out. That “have-to” energy can get me to take action, but it’s not always the healthiest when my workaholic tendencies take over. When this feels fun, that’s when I feel more authentic and want to create genuine interactions.

• Considerably reprogram myself to think and feel differently about social media and how I want to use it for my business. Fun is a choice, and I’ve been brainwashed for too long. It’ll take intentional effort to replace all that social-media hustle with what aligns better with me, BUT this is crucial because this is where more consistency and change in structure would pay off greatly in the long run.

• Determine how I can be consistent on my own terms while keeping it fun, too. I’ll have to tweak how I operate to account for the ebbs and flows of my energy, motivation, and availability, too.

BUILDING A BUSINESS ALIGNED WITH MY WORK LIFE VISION
As I’m redirecting my time and focus solely on Soulfueled, it feels like I’m starting up a new business, even though I have previous successes, structures, and resources. I also know where I’ve been laxing on my work boundaries and where I keep running myself ragged with work and burnout. But it’s not about blame or guilt-tripping myself. It’s about learning my lessons and choosing to approach things differently.

• Honor the changing of “seasons” as things in my business inevitably evolve and change. Embrace those transformations rather than holding onto the old and forcing things to stay the same.

• Give myself time and space to process whatever I’m feeling and then intentionally recraft and solidify my steps forward. Rushing things don’t solve problems. That’s how you create more problems you’ll have to fix down the line.

• Reevaluate and update my Work Life Vision to modify what no longer aligns and double down on the nonnegotiable aspects that I know I want. I’m done running my business according to other people’s rules and definitions of success. Following all that advice is what sent me into burnout over and over again. I’m redefining and claiming what I want going forward.

My life shouldn’t revolve around my work. My work should fit into my desired lifestyle instead.

How I felt CANNOT be my norm, so I had to face down my worst fears to release their terrifying grip on me. Now I feel such a sense of relief and have a clearer direction of what to fix and where to build towards again.

There is a lot of unlearning and reprogramming I’ll have to do, and I’ll have to be even more cautious and ruthlessly filter what advice I listen to as well.

I’m done being the sheep herded into a certain way of being.

I’m now powerfully claiming my Soulfueled path!

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USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

Where could you have better work life boundaries? What are the ways of being that you’ve wanted but denied yourself because you were told otherwise? How would it feel to reclaim those desires?