Forcing success on social media broke my spirit

Abandoning the grind, and THIS is my way back to sanity

I’ve been bashing my head against the wall lately.

I finally stopped to rub my sore, bloodied forehead, trying to soothe the pain.

“Why am I doing this?”

Then it’s as if I suddenly took the red pill.

The answer quickly revealed itself after I took a step back and noticed all the other people around me rhythmically bashing their heads, too.

Continuously trying to force their way through their obstacles with their heads.

Bamboozled into thinking that it’s because we haven’t tried hard enough.

“You’ve gotta do more reps!”

“You’ve gotta do it this particular way!”

You can hear the surround sound of grunting and crying.

…but they’re not stopping.

You can see new people walking up and starting to follow suit.

It’s as if someone brainwashed us into believing that this is the only way.

So, how sore is your forehead?

Have you had enough?

Or have you found a way to manage the pain?

Or even better, did you find another way?!

It feels weird going against muscle memory and not following suit to what everyone else is doing, too.

The brainwashing still lingers.

Pausing feels so unnatural, but that’s exactly what’s needed for my sanity.

Just because others are doing it, that doesn’t mean it’s right for you, too.

Anyone can justify reasons for why you should continue the pain, but that’s not the only way.

This is what social media felt like to me

It felt like a “necessary evil” for having an online business.

If you’re not on social, you won’t be found or even noticed.

You have to post every day or multiple times a day. (…else uh oh! You’re out of sight, out of mind, right?)

You have to engage with others. (It’s called “social” media for a reason, duh!)

You have to write valuable content or publicly share your life.

You have to jump on trends. You have to go viral!

ARG!! All these you-have-to’s are so annoying!

UGH, I don’t want to!! Nooooo~ *kicking and screaming, throwing an internal tantrum*

For an introvert who doesn’t even use social media on a regular basis, even for entertainment, this has been challenging.

I would try really, really hard.

Then, I’d recoil in disgust and frustration.

“Accckkkk, what do I do!?”

Where did it all go wrong?!

Back in the day, I used Instagram for fun, and it was enjoyable.

But once I “needed” to start using it for business purposes, it lost its appeal.

I couldn’t “just” post anymore.

I had to think of meaningful content, create eye-catching graphics, write thoughtful captions, find related hashtags, and continually engage with others. Now it’s also about creating viral videos and adding engaging music, too.

Posting content went from 15 minutes to a couple of hours of intentional work.

It wasn’t fun anymore.

Then, I went onto X per the nudge of my writing mentors.

Initially, I was scared of putting myself out there, so I was writing fairly generic platitudes.

Through continual practice of writing and posting daily, I started to find my groove and writer’s voice. I started to enjoy posting again.

Writing felt good as it became my creative expression.

And then the next hurdle was engaging with others. It went from liking to thinking of thoughtful comments to add.

And then it went from commenting on people I know to finding bigger accounts to comment under so I’d get noticed by strangers and hopefully get more followers.

And then it was taking part in an engagement group to comment and like each other’s stuff to create more traction.

And then the hurdle after that was DMing people who engaged with my content per my business coach’s advice.

And then it was expanding out to doing Spaces on a regular basis to try this other growth strategy.

And then… and then… Ugh, there was always something else I “still had to” do!

Social media felt like a blackhole of a time suck

It didn’t matter if you were a creator or a consumer. Our lives and businesses seem to revolve around social media now.

It felt like whatever I initially did was never enough.

It kept demanding more and more of my time and attention.

Feeling despondent, drained, and depressed.

“Is this really the only way?”

No, it isn’t.

THIS was the problem…

Nah, it’s not about trying out another growth strategy or approach.

It’s about changing the filter through how you’re showing up.

It’s about changing the conditionalities you’ve unconsciously put in place, either adopted from others or you’ve chosen yourself.

Social media was previously fun because I didn’t pile on all this additional pressure for what a social post meant or had to do.

I was sharing because I wanted to capture a moment of my life that was meaningful or enjoyable. It’s as if I was telling my friends, “Hey, check out this thing I did” while we’re hanging out.

But I turned it into an “omg, I have to post something really good to get attention.” “I have to make money from this.” “I have to get more followers, or else I’ll seem like a loser or that I’ve failed.”

It’s all the I-have-to’s that poisoned my experience.

It was fun and more authentic BEFORE I applied all those growth strategies to what I was doing.

When I started off without any of those conditionalities, I found enjoyment in sharing my thoughts and engaging with other likeminded people.

I was doing things on my own terms, instead of sticking to those “you have to do this to succeed on social media” strategies.

FYI, there’s a difference in honing your writing skills to be a more effective communicator (this I’m a fan of), compared to chasing the viral strategies to get cheap attention quick (this is what I’m super unhappy with).

My focus was all wrong

Those strategies weren’t in alignment with what I valued.

I would rather have quality than quantity.

The whole “your vanity metrics = your worth” vibe was sucking out my soul.

It just made me feel worse about myself and my progress.

Because I wasn’t focused on my own Work Vision and definition of success, I chased after what other people said was “important” and believed that their strategies were my solution, too.

Transparently, this is something I’m still working through at the moment.

I accept the conditionality that social media is required to organically grow my business, but HOW I do it is the debatable part.

I’m deciding and experimenting with an interim social media plan based on strategies that work for me related to my principles, personality, and intentions.

It’s set up in stages, concentrating on steady habits for long term sustainability (and making sure I’m still enjoying the process).

Plus, I’m working through my own baggage and limiting beliefs around social media as well.

And this’ll be my focus going forward

More importantly, I’m going back to the basics and rewriting my Work Vision from scratch.

I do have big dreams, so it’s important for me to clarify my intentions and what that looks like to me.

I’ve written versions of this since I started my business, but I stopped connecting with it and pursued other people’s vision of success.

I developed a manifestation process for myself that was working, but I abandoned my intuitive process to follow someone else’s “proven system”.

After reading the book “A Happy Pocket Full of Money” (the foundations and process of manifestation), it completely supported my intuitive process! (Wild, right?! Thanks, Universe, for the course correction.)

So I am rewriting my Work Vision based on the current me and what I know now.

I have accumulated all these experiences from my recent burnout and frustrations, along with the enjoyment and excitement.

None of my failures and learnings will go to waste.

I’m already in the process of actualizing my dreams with my Work Vision.

Now, let’s speed it up with stronger intentions.

Are you with me?

USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

What would be an ideal way for you to post and engage on social media? What’s your preferred way to market and grow your business? Now turn that into your plan.

P.S. If this helped you see your relationship with social media in a new light or reminded you to stop chasing strategies that don’t feel right, tap the ❤️. Share or restack this post if you believe more entrepreneurs deserve permission to show up in ways that actually feel good.